cukr kazdy den

In Williamsburg we don't have VIP lines (except when we do)

2011-10-21T03:04:00.000-04:00

I can't believe I am two weeks behind on sharing this, but HOLY CRAP JENS LEKMAN! That is to say: I saw him live a couple Fridays ago at Music Hall of Williamsburg and it was just as dreamy and wonderful as I thought it would be.

Before I continue to pour out fangirl emotion though, I have a serious confession to make: I almost FORGOT about the show! Let me repeat that: I had a ticket for a sold-out JENS LEKMAN show and I almost FORGOT TO GO. I am so ashamed. And also worried that something is eating holes in my brain. To be a teensy bit fair to myself, I purchased the ticket way back in August but never put on any sort of calendar - I just trusted I'd remember such an important date. I had to work until 8:15 that day so I had a subconscious plan to dress hip enough for work so I could just jet to the show afterward. Well... nope. Totally forgot. It wasn't until I was on my last 15 minute break at work, around 7pm, that I was reading show listings on Oh My Rockness and saw Jens Lekman listed and then felt cold dread and panic wash over me. I convinced a manager to let me leave a little early, rushed home to change, then jumped in cab to the 'burg. I got there with just enough time to catch the last two songs of opener Geoffrey O'Connor (kinda weird) and down a whiskey (hallelujah). That can never, ever, EVER happen again.

BUT anyway: awesome show. As much as it's always more fun to go to shows with other people, the advantage to going by myself is that I can very easily nudge my way to the front. I didn't make it right up to the stage but I got about fifteen feet away, which was luckily within range when Jens threw confetti during "Opposite of Hallelujah" - yes, CONFETTI! In addition to that crowd-pleaser, he also played a bunch more of my faves, including "The End of the World is Bigger Than Love," "Maple Leaves," "A Sweet Summer's Night on Hammer Hill" (which he ended by leaning the microphone against his heart - awww the adorableness) and his new single "An Argument With Myself."

The best part was most definitely the beautifully acoustic final encore where he played the mournful-but-sweet "Black Cab" and organized a sing-along for "Pocketful of Money." That last bit was a great way to go out - I confess that "Pocketful of Money" has never been up there in my list of Jens favorites, but when he got the balcony and the floor levels to sing the overlapping parts ("You set my heart on fire"/"I'll come running with a heart on a fire") it transformed it into something more... magical.

Good god, I need to stop writing blog posts at 2:30 in the morning. You get the idea. Come back soon, Jens.

(PS: In my haze of post-paranoia and pure happiness, I completely forgot to snap some photos with my phone. I always feel kinda weird doing that anyway. So all of these are from Brooklyn Vegan - be a doll and read their whole article here.)

ALIVE... AGAIN

2011-10-20T10:55:00.001-04:00

I'm five years alive today. Thanks, body! Now let's go be alive... and drink some blood....

It's all happening

2011-10-10T01:48:00.002-04:00

Yet another article on Flavorwire has thrown me into a never-ending internet wormhole of procrastination. Jason Bailey - himself inspired by Martin Scorsese's latest documentary on George Harrison - recently posted this amazing essay about Scorsese's perfect use of music in his films and how, for some of us, those songs will forever be tied to those particular scenes. I'm always a sucker for a good montage, slo-mo, or beautifully scored piece of film so all these carefully curated clips were like nerd candy. I literally got out my chips and hummus and Chick-O-Sticks, pulled a chair up to my laptop, and watched every part of every clip. SO GOOD. (Although, just to push my glasses up my nose about it, I also would have included the "Atlantis"/Billy Batts scene as particularly... touching. HA.)

It got me thinking about a bunch of non-Scorsese movies that have similarly well-placed music. There are so many songs that have been changed for me just by seeing them linked to a great moment of film. And because I want to nerd this out to its full potential, I'm need to share my feelings with the internet. Ranking things in order of importance stresses me out so I'm just going to share this list in no particular order. Get ready for... THE FIVE BEST-SCORED MOMENTS IN FILM (for now):

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - "Life On Mars?"

It's so hard to put just one Wes Anderson moment on this list but I'm trying to be concise. This is the movie that made me fall in love with David Bowie. I mean, yes, DUH, I liked David Bowie before this, but the winter of 2004 was the moment I LOVED David Bowie. And the moment that made me forever want to smoke a joint in slo-mo when I hear this song. (OK, and because I can't hold it in: other close Wes Anderson contenders are "These Days" in The Royal Tenenbaums and "A Quick One While He's Away" in Rushmore.)

Summer of Sam - "Baba O'Riley"

One of my film professors in college showed us this sequence as an example of montage - pretty extreme choice, if you ask me. I guess it's a solid representation, since it heightens the action of the movie, but DAMN is everything fucked up. Try watching Adrien Brody in this movie and then watching The Pianist. Your brain will hurt.

Donnie Darko - "Head Over Heels"

This entire movie is full of great, dark, late-80s ballads and slo-mos but this Tears for Fears scene tops them all. Something about Roland Orzabal's mournful voice makes it so perfect for a dizzy tracking shot full of angsty teachers and kids. Also: I still really want to be in Sparkle Motion.

Boogie Nights - "Jesse's Girl"

I love it when a film takes a catchy pop song and makes it terrifying (prime example: Quentin Tarantino forever ruining "Stuck in the Middle With You"). Coked-up dudes with guns PLUS this weird kid throwing firecrackers PLUS the crescendo-ing Rick Springfield beats all make me want to clutch a stress ball throughout this whole scene.

Almost Famous - "My Cherie Amour"

Of course the "Tiny Dancer" scene would be the obvious choice here (and is still a great moment), but this overdose-as-love-scene breaks my heart a little more. William's just oozing love for Penny while she's getting her stomach pumped! And Penny's wearing an amazing dress! (Also: total nerd moment, but see where they're walking by that pond at the end? I eat lunch there all the time. No big deal.)

Give me some more ideas so I can go on another YouTube tangent! (And so I can know that people actually still read this!) Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go watch every Scorsese movie ever made. OK BYE!

(PS: special thanks to Dave for letting me know that I've been spelling "Scorsese" incorrectly... for my entire life. The shame!!)

But I thought she said maple leaves

2011-08-28T20:24:00.000-04:00

I know there aren't many other people out there who dread fall like I do so it's extra-nice to know that Jens is on my side:

This time of year is the saddest time of year. It is the end of the summer, the time when your boyfriend or girlfriend is moving to Berlin or New York or London and says "I just don't want the responsibility that comes with a relationship, I really need to be free right now".

And you hate the future, you want to throw rocks and empty beercans at it. You hate the changes it brings. You're late for uni, your first class of the semester, and you wish you hadn't cut your own hair two days before you started. And you think of the days getting darker and on your way home you kick the gold out of the leaves on the ground. You ride the buses and trams and trains in circles. You put chewing gums on elevator buttons.

At night you can't sleep so you go out and it's a starlit night so you sit and watch the constellations up there, and then a meteor divides the sky in two and you think of one thing to wish for but there are so many things.

I am reading your emails and I may not have time to reply to all of them, but I just wan't you to know that I've been there too. I'm there with you right now.

Maybe I just need a nice sweater.

I've got love for you if you were watching TV in the 90s

2011-08-27T16:53:00.000-04:00

Anyone else want to feel like they're nine years old again?

I mean.... shit. There is so much nostalgia packed into those three minutes and forty one seconds that I had to re-assess my surroundings after I watched it because I thought I might actually be sitting on my purple beanbag in my old living room on a Saturday morning. I would kill to be wearing Melissa Joan Hart's polka-dot headband and eating Cookie Crisp right now.

Also: how is it that I always forget to bring the trash outside on trash day but I can still sing the entire Animaniacs theme song? I weep for my generation.

BALLLLLLLLLLLLLLIN!!!

2011-08-24T23:32:00.003-04:00

OK: let's acknowledge the fact that I've been so lazy about this blog that I've let a good two months breeze by without a peep about my (not at all exciting) life - to the extent that I even forgot my blogiversary AGAIN. I don't even have cupcakes laying around that I can pretend I baked in celebration (but daaaamn I wish I did.) Well, OK, here's a photo of some cupcakes I baked four months ago because I was being a fatty and really wanted peanut butter cake with chocolate icing:

Yay fatty blog! But what is there to say about six years anyway? I mean, I was a pretty rad six-year-old (braid-ponytails-on-the-side and sparkly sweaters, whatwhat!), but in the grand scheme of life it's like, meh... six. Maybe I'm just feeling cynical. And still lazy.

(Oh, an aside about the word "lazy": I'm determined to reclaim it as a cool thing. Remember when phones weren't smartphones and were just "cell phones?" I know, those were crazy times, right? And some people still have them! Anyway: one of the best precursors to auto-correct was the T9 word function, where you would just furiously type away on the number pad and the phone would "know" which letters you meant to type. My old phone was the best at this because every time I tried to type the word "lazy" it would default to "jazz" - resulting in sentences like "I'm too jazz to get off the couch" and "stop being such a jazz ass." So much cooler, right? So don't be lazy, be JAZZ.)

But let's get back to my life. Yesterday was a crazy day: I had to work at 7am, there was a minor earthquake that got all of NYC's panties in a twist, AND - thanks to Kottke - I discovered this amazing website. It's a collection of stories by Questlove, sorted by name, in which he recalls encounters with different celebrities, as requested by other readers. What makes them so amazing is not just the way they are written (which is as if he typed directly from a dictation of himself), but the kind of crazy celebrity shenanigans he gets into. And I'm not talking like, action movie buddy cop craziness, but over-the-top displays of money that must just seem totally normal once you hit a certain level on the star meter. The story about Will Smith's leather-floored mansion tops everything, but rollerskating Prince (part of the Eddie Murphy story) is a close runner up. I mean.... GOD. DAMN.

Questlove: please come to a Moth StorySlam. It would be the best six minutes of everyone's life.

PS: As a bonus, I discovered this site linked to the Questlove one: The 90s Rap Name Generator! Mine's "Big M Da' Slim Pimp" - but you probably already knew that.

Hey ladieeeees!

2011-06-25T10:40:00.000-04:00

It's a little crazy how many new artists I've discovered solely by watching the music video channels at Crunch while plodding along on the treadmill. Do they secretly have some kind of deal with fledgling record labels? You'd think this would make me go to the gym more often but... no.

Here are two of my new faves: lady rappers!

Also: isn't weird how both of their videos open with shots of the street and trucks? SO URBAN.

Denver: I hate you so much right now

2011-06-17T01:55:00.002-04:00

DENVER! Jens Lekman needs you! Get on this:

Hi
I'm in Denver, Colorado for some work. I was wondering if anyone wanted to show me around? Maybe we could set up a small show somewhere tonight?
// J

Damn it, if I was in Denver right now Jens and I would be throwin' back tallboys and jamming on the tambourine.

I had a feeling I'd get along with the Fitzgeralds

2011-06-14T23:56:00.000-04:00

Fancy a drink? Fancy a drink that makes you feel like a famous literary figure? Because I do. Always. I'm a little obsessed with Flavorwire's compilation of famous authors and their buzz of choice. I want to try each of these every time I need to write something and see which one provides the best results. Right now I'm drinking cheap gin and tonic, but maybe what I really need is a gin RICKEY! (What the crap is that, anyway? Oh... pretty much the same thing.) Because apparently a gin rickey makes you the life of the party:

As legend has it, both F. Scott Fitzgerald and his wife Zelda were notorious lightweights, not to mention mischievous drunks. Fitzgerald claimed that he liked gin because no one could smell it on his breath – though we bet that when he and his wife were dancing naked at parties, no one really had to.

Well I'm sold. Read the whole thing here. Oh, and please don't party Dylan Thomas-style. I don't want to claim responsibility for that.

Damn, this list will come in handy for my eventual library party.

I probably have AIDS now

2011-06-10T10:49:00.000-04:00

Here is an example of just how broke I've been feeling lately:

I went for a run this morning in my balmy, 77 degree neighborhood and as I passed a gas station, I saw a dollar bill on the ground. So naturally I picked it up and tucked it into my sports bra.

A ONE. DOLLAR. BILL.

What the crap was I thinking? That my boob sweat would transform it into a ten by the time I got home?? I'm disgusting. And I had this thought as I continued to run with it plastered against me but what was I going to do then? Throw it back on the ground? NO. I ran that wet little piece of paper all the way home to my wallet. And then showered before touching my mouth.

Good god I need an extra job. Or a new job altogether. On the plus side though: my iced coffee today will probably cost only 89 cents. Woo!

Sunday

2011-06-05T23:55:00.001-04:00

I magically had today off. It was awesome: I had afternoon beers, pizza, and cake (in that order), I bought new running shoes, then came home and drank whiskey and made pretentious art and listened to pretentious music.

Happy June!

Cameo Blue

2011-06-03T01:07:00.000-04:00

I told myself I was going to compile a list of good film and theatre monologues so I could stop making excuses for avoiding auditions. I ripped a piece of paper from a notepad, literally wrote "Monologues?" at the top, and set it on my desk.

I have since then been using it as a surface on which to paint my nails and protect my desk.

Yeah... that about sums up my life right now.

Here's what I never want to forget

2011-05-30T07:49:00.000-04:00

I think I found the cure for my working-on-Memorial-Day blues:

Yep, just gonna watch that on repeat.

That, and I found out I get paid time and a half for working today. Shazam!

Why can't I quit you, Web MD?

2011-05-30T00:27:00.001-04:00

I am in the middle of the lamest Memorial Weekend ever. It's the kickoff to summer! The best season ever! Barbeques and drinking outdoors and wearing your whites and three days of no work! Unless you're me: working all three days, pretty broke, and fighting off a weird stomach bug and the hypochondria that comes with it. So instead of crashing that party I can hear down the block, I'm drinking some pretentious-sounding "Digestif" tea, making a Flavorwire-inspired playlist about being broke, and playing with the Web MD Symptom Checker.

I know, I know - Andrea and Mom, if you're reading this: I'm sorry. I know I said I would stop plugging all my symptoms into Web MD because all it does is convince me that I have a brain tumor and then I call one of you and hysterically yell "I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR!" (Oh, and Mom, if you did magically find this blog, I think I have a lot of other things to apologize for.)

But tonight I'm lonely and Web MD just gets me, you know? We have a special relationship. I'm like "Web MD, I think I have food poisoning from the kamikaze dressing I bought from Sunshine Mart!" and Web MD is all "Baby doll, hush, according to your symptoms you have 20 different diseases to choose from! And they all have dramatic consequences!" And then I think "You know what? If I do have Type 1 diabetes, I can deal! I can still live my life! Halle Berry does it!"

But now I'm coming back down from the medical high and trying to be sensible. I probably don't have diabetes (or cystic fibrosis... or IBS...) and it's probably just something weird that I ate that's causing these *ahem* "digestive issues"... probably that dressing (which would be sad because it was so tasty). I'm going to keep pumping myself with fluids (one Vitamin Water and two coconut waters so far) and just hope I'm better tomorrow.

OK, back to my lover Web MD though: can we just talk about how crazy awesome some of these symptom options are?? Here are my faves:

"Taste words when they are heard"
"Multiple bruises of different ages"
"Craving alcohol"
"Inappropriate behavior"

I have a diagnosis for those: YOU'RE A PASSED-OUT DRUNK. I also love how there is a symptom option of "broken bone." I can diagnose that one too: YOU HAVE A BROKEN BONE. Duh.

I hope you're all having a lovelier night than I am. Although, to be fair, I'm currently typing this while chilling on my fire balcony and it's kinda nice - there's a breeze and the city is all lit up and I haven't dropped anything. I guess there's still hope for an exciting day tomorrow, since that's the real day we're "celebrating" anyway. Anyone having a barbeque that I can crash? I'm already hydrating in preparation. Unless I'm dead from diabetes-induced kidney failure tomorrow morning... in which case, I'd like Halle Berry to speak at my funeral.

Happy Rapture!

2011-05-21T09:46:00.001-04:00

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;I&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

I sure hope Jens survives.

It's OK - just keep making crap!

2011-05-03T08:52:00.000-04:00

Thank you, Ira Glass, for making me feel much better about my perpetual creative frustration:

(via Kottke)

OK, well, guess I'm off to finish those four beginnings-of-sketches I've been grimacing at...

OK, for real this time

2011-04-30T21:26:00.000-04:00

I present to you: London - a journey in photos

First night essentials:

Classic English breakfast - made even better by hashbrown triangles (err... even though I don't really seem to like eggs anymore):

Spitalfields Market:

Canned cocktails!

Art:

Dancing times all the times:

Sally Lunn's bunzzzz - they're all the rage in Bath:

Creepy statues in Bath:

I. Love. This. Drink.

People in Bath live in style:

Booze bouquet!

THE END. (Until I magically get a job that gives me a visa and lets me move back... let's all cross our fingers for that one.)

Future, present, past

2011-04-14T11:07:00.000-04:00

I can only hope to be as cool as these ladies when I hit retirement age:

(via Bust)

I don't necessarily love their exact style choices, but I do love their I-don't-give-a-shit attitude. Iris Apfel is totally right: dressing up should be an "exercise in creativity" and a way to express how you're feeling each day. I don't have the dream wardrobe that allows me to wear exactly what I dream about wearing each day (YET), but I am trying to make more of an effort towards really wearing OUTFITS. Luckily, I already dress like an old lady pretty often so the transition into senior citzenry should be a cinch.

Speaking of dressing up, oh yeah, Andrea and I went to London! And wore a bunch of outfits and did cool stuff!

I promise I will blog the highlights real soon. Reallll soooooooon.

Oh, and just to give myself something else to procrastinate, I started another blog on Tumblr called Everything was awesome back then. It's about my obsessions with a past that I was never a part of. DUH.

Widget and Sassoon: London adventure times!

2011-03-21T15:48:00.001-04:00

I know, I know - I had that burst of energetic blogging and now I've stopped. I'm gonna get back on the wagon though, I swear... soon. For now I'm just popping in to say HOLY CRAP ANDREA AND I ARE IN LONDON. We're in the midst of all sorts of shenanigans right now (canned cocktails, Jammie Dodgers, hot tunes, heart-print tights, pants-less dancing, etc.) so I'll have to post a full report when I get home and I'm all sad and broke. Here's a sneak peak though:

My pocket's eatin' cheese cake!

Look out, Annie Leibovitz!

2011-03-02T01:27:00.001-05:00

I would just like to make it known that not one, not two, but THREE dudes are currently using a photo that I snapped as their main Facebook profile picture.

Molly Cameron: making boys look pretty since 2010.

Let's procrastinate!

2011-02-23T10:42:00.001-05:00

Looking for a great way to put off doing something productive and possibly expand your never-ending Netflix queue? Watch 50 awesome opening title sequences! This IFC list is proving to be a very effective way to avoid rewriting sketches right now. I'm still working my way through, but so far #50 holds the most nostalgic place in my heart:

Makes me feel a little weird to know that Patricia Quinn was essentially in black face though.

Fuck Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T22:58:00.000-05:00

Watch this instead:

I love a hip hop video that does the opposite of everything I'm expecting. Top that, Kanye.

Best pen pal ever

2011-02-13T00:15:00.001-05:00

OK, so I lied about cutting back on the Jens talk, but you guys, ANOTHER EMAIL!!

You didn't think I'd let that amazing show in December just breeze by without sharing my appreciation, right? Of course I emailed him:

Hello Jens,

Thank you for coming back to New York. I attended your beautiful show last night (the 9th) and assume you had another beautiful one tonight. I was in the midst of a really bad cold yesterday and your show made me feel completely healthy for a good two hours. I hope you make peace with this great city.

Cheers,
Molly

Keep in mind that I was still pretty sick and that was sent at 12:04am. (Also keep in mind as you read this that I'm currently killing almost a whole bottle of cheap shiraz and getting a little tired and emotional.)

So today at work I got this and did my best to not freak the fuck out in front of my still new-ish coworkers:

thanks molly !
the peace has been established, hoping to come back soon.
JL

Yay! Jens and New York City, friends again! I'd like to think that I had a strong influence in this decision, but two sold-out shows probably didn't hurt either.

I hope he comes back in the springtime. In fact, I should send him an invite him right now...

Meet my new best friends

2011-02-10T00:01:00.003-05:00

If you haven't seen this video yet, you should definitely watch it right now. And then watch it every day that you wake up and it's still below freezing and remind yourself that someday - someday soon - it will be springtime and you'll be able to dance around in the outdoors wearing a sweet windbreaker.

ETA: that main dancer, Anne Marsen is credited as an "improvisational dancer." Wait, that's a thing? That kind of crazy random dancing I do at parties and in my kitchen has a real title? I've got to update my resume.

Please, please - hold your applause

2011-02-04T23:58:00.001-05:00

OH HI. Nice to see you again.

I've been trying to write a post for weeks now but couldn't seem to finish anything until tonight. I know: how hard is it for me to blather some self-indulgent nonsense and hit publish? Really not that hard. I'm going to skip all the bullshit excuses though - sometimes I'm just uninspired and need a break. Cool? Cool. So let's get back to things:

Here's what you need to know about my life since my last post:

- I actually got to see Jens Lekman!

I got a ticket at the last minute and it was so beautiful that I maybe got teary-eyed with joy. OK, I was sleepy and full of Dayquil, but still - the show was in such an intimate space that I was only about ten feet away from Jens AND he played "Kanske är jag kär i dig," which is perhaps the best song in the world. You should check out this Brooklyn Vegan post about the show because there are more great photos and I should cut down on the amount of Jens-obsessing I do here.

(Oh: but OF COURSE I bought one of these key necklaces.)

- I'm working a lot... although still not enough to stop me stealing money from my savings. I'm either going to need to get a second part time job or quit the whole shebang and get another full time job. Or I need to track down a rich philanthropist who wants to pay me to ghostwrite his/her blog while funding my European travels (fingers crossed for that one!).

- I'm writing and performing sketch comedy with my new group The Fantashticks. Maybe someday we'll get our shit together and have a website!

- I celebrated Christmas by working nine hours on minimal sleep, somberly smoking a joint alone out my window, and then getting wasted on whiskey and cider. Thanks, Santa, for the gift of reality! Really though: it wasn't all that bad. Andrea came to town (and got snowbound in my apartment) and a super awesome someone gave me a turntable(!!).

- My hair's getting pretty damn long. I can't wait until it's long enough to recreate the gigantic side ponytail I had in my kindergarten class photo.

- I've been watching lots of Mr. Show. Pit-Pat!

- I think Enter The Void was the best movie I saw in all of 2010. Take THAT Black Swan! (Although... uh... I still haven't seen Black Swan.) If you can still catch it somewhere on the big screen, do it, but schedule time for a long walk and a stiff drink after.

SO. Yes. Things are pretty swell right now. I mean, sure: I'm dreading waking up at 6am tomorrow to go work for the man for nine hours and I'm also thinking it was probably a bad idea to drink that beer and then eat that ice cream and then do sit-ups right before bed but still... things have been worse. I'm even working on a wintery iTunes playlist that's not full of Joy Division and Interpol!

Happy February, lovers. It's good to be back.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Andrea will name your pet

2010-12-07T00:54:00.000-05:00

I am failing at Widget and Sassoon lately. I keep coming very close to stopping altogether, but then I convince myself to keep going because 1) there are so many conversations I keep uncovering that must be shared with world and 2) it guarantees that I post something at least once a week AND 3) good god, if I can't keep up with a weekly themed blog post then how can I expect to keep up with my LIFE??

Anyway.

Maybe it will be a "Whenever I Feel Like It Widget and Sassoon" instead of "Weekly." You know, throwin' surprises your way when you least expect it. Postin' funnies. Drinkin' drinks.

I'm sorry, guys. I think I'm in a bad mood because I just came back from a New Pornographers show and Dan Bejar wasn't with them and it made me sad. And then I checked my bank balance. And then I had to put on two sweaters because it's fucking DECEMBER.

ANYWAY. Pets:

andrea: there's a girl on this show called "beau" which quite frankly, is a dog's name

let's be real hereBeau=dog like Clara=cow and Sebastian=cat

On the positive side: I have enough peanut butter and gin to last me at least a week. And by listening to Destroyer I can pretend I saw Dan Bejar.

Oh God I'm still alive

2010-11-30T19:32:00.000-05:00

Andrea recently posted this on her Tumblr, but I have to steal it and re-blog it here because HOLY SHIT I think I choreographed this in my past life:

Or maybe I was one of those backup dancers in a past life. Also: hot nails, David.

Agreed

2010-11-30T13:39:00.001-05:00

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: dreams do come true

2010-11-30T01:08:00.000-05:00

On days when I am feeling directionless and questioning my life choices, I like to try and remember how far I've come. Sure, I'm slowly eating through my savings account, spending late nights watching cartoons and drinking whiskey, and my bedroom is covered in piles of mail and clothing BUT at least I'm not still job searching, right??

And I'm thinking positively for Andrea, too. Sure, it sucks that she spends most days hanging out with a toddler and her closet doesn't hold all of her clothes BUT at least she has an iPhone! See? Things aren't so bad, people! Unless you're reading this over someone's shoulder in a Starbucks because you're homeless. That is bad.

me:i'm pretty sure i'm not getting that BAM job and it's killing my spirit

andrea: why? did the interview go badly?

me: not terribly, but i haven't heard a peep from them and the interview was last monday

i have a feeling they think i'm underqualified

andrea: underqualified?

that's boo hockey

me: ha! boo hockey!

yeah, i guess, but i keep thinking of other things i could have thrown into the interview that i didn't

poo

i'm sure they're interviewing a ton of people though

andrea: yeah, a week ago is not that long

did they give you a time frame for hiring at all?

me: they said as soon as possible

and the original ad said mid-august :(

andrea: lame

everyone's lame

were the two best people for everything and noone wants to help us

everyone's a JERK

me: i KNOW!

jerkface america!

andrea: jerkface WORLD

i just want a place to LIVE

I want a JOB

i want the world to stop making me TYPE IN CAPS

me: HATE IT!andrea: ugh. i just want an iphone and some new boots

Actually, Andrea probably does still want some new boots.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I'm drunk at Voooogue

2010-11-23T00:10:00.001-05:00

I've had a lot of beers. And I just made the the best improvised tofu-rancheros-inspired scramble ever. And I'm still poor. And I'm never getting off this couch. Aaaaaand drug segue:

andrea: Dude, I woke up this morning with such a migraine I thought I might not be able to come this weekend

It was draaaaaammmz

But I'm all drugged up and i feel a babillion better now

Boom

Deugs

Drugs!

Yes.

Oh and this:

Good news/bad news

2010-11-22T00:57:00.001-05:00

I'll jump right to it:

Good news: I got a job!! This will be me in about a month:

That's right, I'm gonna work at the 5th Avenue Apple Store! As... a part time... cashier! I know, retail, but it's APPLE. If that's not gonna eventually force me into an iPhone, I don't know what will. I have to wait a month because their training schedule doesn't match up with mine very easily (who knew unemployment would make me even busier than before??), but I should be able to start training on 12/11. Yay discount!

The bad news: I did not get Jens Lekman tickets. :( :( :(

There are not enough sad emoticons to fully express how I feel. He even added a second show and it sold out in roughly TWO MINUTES! I know because they were released at noon, I clicked the link at 12:01, it turned out to be the wrong link so I scrambled back to the right one at 12:02, and then they were sold out. CURSESSSSS!!!!

If anyone reading this has a spare ticket to sell me, you can be the first to abuse my Apple discount. Sweet deal, right??

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: in YOUR face!

2010-11-16T00:18:00.000-05:00

I am in the midst of another one of my semi-monthly goddam-I-overbooked-my-life freakouts so I'll let this one speak for itself while I continue to write drunk emails. You're welcome!

andrea: i want a lollipop

i want a cuuuupcake

i want some COTTON CANDY

in my faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace

...

did you like my song?

i wrote it for you

you're my inspiration

me: not in your mouth? just rubbed all over your face? that's weird

oh, well then

it does sound like something i'd sing

andrea: not ON my face

IN my face

me: in your pores?

andrea: no, in my mouthy part of face

MOUTH FACE

me: oohhhh wellllll thennnn

andrea: yup yup yup

win win win

zing ziing zing

ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnng

My Super Sweet Jens Lekman

2010-11-10T10:36:00.001-05:00

It worked! Jens Lekman is coming back to NYC!!

I shrieked aloud when I saw this in my inbox last night:

Hi everyone,

I had some stuff to do in New York this winter so I figured I might as well do a small solo show while I'm there since it's been so long.
It will be special and maybe we can have one of those house parties afterwards, like we had last time?
If my friends neighbors are cool with that, I'll let you know.

NYC
December 10th, 2010
Brooklyn
New York, USA
Green Building on Union
450 Union St
Brooklyn, NY 11231

Doors: 8pm
Stage: 9:30pm

There's 400 tickets - $17 adv / $20 door
Tickets here
Currently it's 18+, we're looking into ways of solving this so anyone can go but can't promise anything.

I'm totes buying a ticket. You should all get one too. And DUH, Jens, of COURSE we should have a house party afterwards!

You're welcome, New York! It was alllllll me.

MADE

2010-11-10T01:04:00.001-05:00

Have I mentioned that I'm being slowly crafted in a hip hop star? It's true. The sassy Bev Brown has me wrapped around her finger so hard that I decided to get in on her current performance workshop. On paper, it's an eight-week workshop that ends with a performance at Alvin Ailey right after Thanksgiving. In reality, it's hip hop boot camp - well, for me, at least. I go to Bev's regular class about once a week, but now I'm going to the workshop class every Saturday plus one to two more during the week, depending on what I can afford. We're doing at least seven numbers (although not the full songs) and while the choreography is similar if not exactly the same as what we do in class, we're expected to pick it up much faster.

This song in particular is the bane of my existence (this is best version I can find... ignore the skanky pics... unless you don't want to, perv):

Don't get me wrong, I love the song itself - especially all the random guest stars involved - (Bon Iver??) but the Nicki Minaj part that we're busting moves to (starting around 3:30) is killing me. The moves are so fast that I look like a big flailing mess and I'm psyching myself out about it. I've got 16 days to master this shit. Oh, and to find some "sexy shorts" to wear in the show. Errrgghhh. I swear, I am living this episode of "Made."

Send good vibes, people. And if you're in New York City over Thanksgiving, send yourself. Really, how many chances do you have to see me get all ghetto while I'm sober AND have good choreo on my side?

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: hip-unemployed-ster

2010-11-08T23:30:00.000-05:00

See what I did there? I stuck "unemployed" in the middle of the word "hipster"! Get it? "Hip-unemployed-ster"?? It's the caption for this hot photo:

I was originally posting it as an example of what my life has become now that I am officially, for real real, no joke, DONE with CAP21. I declared on October 28 that I wasn't coming back and I have upheld the promise. Now I'm spending lots of time hanging out in a big sweater that keeps my neck warm and drinking cheap beer. But then I uploaded that photo and scoffed at myself. Really, Molly? A striped seventies mom sweater? Bangs all up in your eyes? Visible (albeit backwards) Jukebox the Ghost poster in the background? PBR?? You hipster fuck. (However: can we acknowledge how awesome that nail polish is? It matches the can!!)

So... yeah. Oops. I'm keeping it there so you can scoff at what my life has become right along with me. Let's consider it a caption contest. If you can think of something better than "hip-unemployed-ster," you win a prize. Probably something lazily homemade.

Maybe I'm just bitter because I never had a proper going-away party...

me: drunk

work

andrea: You devil

How are you getting drunk at work?

me: we just signed the lease for moving onto the 5th floor and had cake and champys

and i pretended it was my going away party

andrea: HAHAHAHAHAHA

yes.

me: so of course it was GREAT

PS: I still have all the office keys, CAP21. If I return them can I get my soul back?

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Facebook school

2010-11-02T00:26:00.000-04:00

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. The pros include inviting many people at once to events when I don't want to use a phone, updating my status with pretentious song lyrics, and - of course - stalking people from high school. The cons, however, are just as numerous: getting tagged in awful photos, people babbling about virtual farm animals, and... ok, people updating their statuses with pretentious song lyrics. But BAD ones! Blergh. I feel like an old person in a rocking chair when I tell people how I long for the days when Facebook was just for college students to track down that dude from Geology class and post hilarious photos from the dorm.

For now I'm still neutral about Facebook, but it seems to be a trend among some of my friends to quit altogether and delete their accounts. Is this the new cool thing to do? Subvert the standard? Drea seems to think so.

me: ummmm did jamien have a baby??

andrea: i know she was preggers

maybe she popped

why?

is facebook telling you tales?

me: yup

i'm inviting people to something so can't click on her profile yet, but i noticed her photo was a baby

i had no idea she was knocked up

man, i HATE that

you are not your baby!

don't make your photo of your kid!

andrea: I KNOW

people are so stupid

me: although i also just noticed that my friend joel changed his photo to lindsay lohan's mugshot

he wins

andrea: i win

me: no, you can't win if you forfeit the game

LADY

andrea: no, that's the secret

that's how you win at facebook

me: whatevs

be all too-cool-for-school

andrea: I've always been too cool for school

duh

Well DUH right back at you because if it weren't for Facebook, we wouldn't have Lamebook. Also, I wouldn't have found this old gem:

Thanks, Mr. Zuckerberg, for keeping my drunk-in-public moments precious.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Mancassins!

2010-10-26T00:07:00.000-04:00

I have to write a commercial parody for my sketch class so I'm using it as an excuse to sit on my couch and watch lots of bad TV to "research." I can't turn away from NeNe on Real Housewives of Atlanta stoned out of her mind on pain meds recovering from a ton of plastic surgery. HILARIOUS. NeNe is my fave. I mean, this is her NOT stoned on pain meds so you can only imagine the joy that is happening right now:

I watch way too much Real Housewives of anywhere. I'd watch Real Housewives of Topeka if it was on right now. Too bad Project Runway isn't still on Bravo. If I were watching that I could at least pretend that I'm learning things about... patterns... and... socks.

andrea: i'm watching old epis of project runway in bed while joe mixes loudly

me: PRO RUN

word

andrea: proj ruuuuun

me: why the hell did they move it off bravo??

so sad

andrea: have you ever seen the fashion show?

which is bravo's desperate attempt to save themselves after selling proj run...

me: yes

snooorrrre

andrea: i have NO IDEA. it has always been their best show

yes!

its sooooooo booooooring

and awful

and lame

me: no one can compete with tim gunn and heidi

andrea: especially not fucking isaac mizrahi

he's such a caricature of himself its like he's probably not even gay

me: i know!

andrea: he probably goes home to his secret wife and kids and chops wood

and why doesn't he ever wear socks?

what the hell dude?! socks are good

me: he doesn't?

andrea: he's always wearing mancassins with no socks

me: i mean, i don't love socks, but his feet must stiiink

MANCASSINS!

You can feel it, people feel it, rhythm rhythm

2010-10-20T23:00:00.000-04:00

It's my four-year Alive Day today. I'm celebrating by drinking Amstel Lights and endlessly doing the running man to this:

Go be alive!

Why can't we give love give love give love give love......

2010-10-19T09:00:00.000-04:00

I know I'm way behind the rest of the world on finally watching this, but it made my night (or... my 2:30am):

Do you think if I donate money to the homeless he'd buy David Bowie Kermit a Thin White Duke suit and Freddy Mercury Kermit some white pants and a fake mustache??

KIDDING. Hopefully all money is going to the homeless first... and then to the puppet wardrobe.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: let's get some shoes

2010-10-18T23:36:00.000-04:00

It's weird how having less income just makes me want to spend more of it. I could really use these boots:

And this jacket-y cape:

And this turntable:

Oh yeah, and some fancy vodka.

andrea: i have one more purchase today, my booze

me: yeah i think i'm actually buying some today too

i earned it this week

andrea: i'm gonna make jalapeno lime spritzers with tequila

me: ooooh

andrea: I just fuckin went nuts

me: what do you add besides the spicy tequila?

andrea: and i still want to do mani/pedi this weekend

and buy espadrilles

i have problems

me: no no, you have styel

or.. style

i don't know what styel is

maybe a fancy vodka

i'm going to the bank

i'm going to call you so we can talk about shopping

andrea: do

Oh my god, SHOES!

Yay for quitters!

2010-10-13T10:41:00.000-04:00

This article about quitting is making me feel a little better about taking the leap from my secure-yet-boring job. If only I knew what it is I'm supposed to be independently creating.

As a creative person, you’ve been given the ability to build things from nothing by way of hard work over long periods of time. Creation is a deeply personal and rewarding activity, which means that your Work should also be deeply personal and rewarding. If it’s not, then something is amiss.

Creation is entirely dependent on ownership.

Ownership not as a percentage of equity, but as a measure of your ability to change things for the better. To build and grow and fail and learn. This is no small thing. Creativity is the manifestation of lateral thinking, and without tangible results, it becomes stunted. We have to see the fruits of our labors, good or bad, or there’s no motivation to proceed, nothing to learn from to inform the next decision. States of approval and decisions-by-committee and constant compromises are third-party interruptions of an internal dialog that needs to come to its own conclusions.

Read the whole thing here.

(Discovered by way of Kottke.)

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: dreams and cocaine and egg sandwiches

2010-10-11T23:47:00.000-04:00

I just started reading Carl Jung's Man and His Symbols and it's set me off on a kick of trying to dig into my subconscious. I know, it sounds pretentious, but I had originally bought the book for some religion or sociology class in college and randomly rediscovered it a few days ago. It's actually fairly easy to read and digest and I'm getting that nerdy rush of excitement that I haven't felt in awhile - LEARNING! (Excuse me while I push my glasses further up my nose and use my inhaler.)

Mr. Jung is teaching me that the symbols planted in our unconscious can arise in many forms other than dream forms, but I think dreams are still great examples of the crazy shit going on in my head. This one is almost as good as Andrea's:

andrea: oh the day

i just want to eat an egg sandwich and bake a bread

me: i am actually feeling an urge to write and paint and such, which i haven't felt for a long time

i had an epic dream last night that i lived in an apartment building that was attached to a bar

which was awesome until the landlord/bar owner made us sell cocaine from the bar in order to keep our apartments

i was bad at it and someone tried to give me a ladle instead of money

andrea: its like an episode of an hbo show

i almost typed "hobo show"

me: and i was all "hey! no! you owe me $40!"

it was cheap coke

andrea: that's right you big coke dealer, you GET your money

me: i was bad at it

Maybe it's time to get back in the habit of writing down my dreams every morning. If anything, it will help me rule out some bad career choices.

I still need a good DJ name

2010-10-10T01:30:00.002-04:00

I've been looking for a way to share music on this blog through some way other than embedding YouTube videos. Ideally, I want to share entire mixes, but I'm old and bumbling when it comes to these things so I haven't quite figured out how to upload my sweet collections and then pack them into a neato zip file for you fine people to download.

Until I school myself, I'm going to play around with 8tracks. I discovered it through Style Rookie (man, she's been all over my laptop this week) and it seems pretty easy to build a mix and embed it here. The database of music selections is a little scattered and you can't download anything, but at least you can listen to my hot tunes while you drink whiskey or refinish your cabinets or color-code your Excel file or whatever.

I got lazy for my first mix and followed the suggestion of the site by making an 8tracks "debut" mix, with these very specific eight tracks:

1. A song from 2010 I love
2. A song everyone on 8tracks should hear
3. A song that reminds me of high school
4. A song from the year I was born
5. A song from a band I LOVE
6. A song I can sing along to
7. A song about my city / state
8. A top 40 song I hate to admit I like

Artwork is the 1st result of this image search: my first pet's name (Eponine) + the street I grew up on (Mountain View Road)

That's not to say I didn't spend some intense brain time on these because I sure did. Painstaking.

Enjoy. Better mixes soon to come...

Maybe I CAN draw

2010-10-09T18:55:00.000-04:00

I recently unearthed an old flash drive and found a couple gems that I can't resist shoving in your faces.

A long long time ago (late summer 2007, perhaps?), I had to go to an all-day payroll system training with my boss. It was the kind of corporate drudgery that I hope I never again have to go through for any job. I eventually took over the task of processing the weekly payroll, but it's amazing that I learned anything that day. Not only did we have a nice beer lunch, but I spent most of the training session making Microsoft Paint drawings:

The first one especially is a nerdy, inside joke to other ADP PayExpert users, but hopefully you can at least appreciate my fine art skills.

Tavi is officially invited to my nerd party

2010-10-06T12:13:00.000-04:00

Not long after I confessed my dreams of hosting a hip library party, I discovered by way of Style Rookie that this zine did a feature where a bunch of fashion bloggers dressed up as literary characters.

If these supercool, stylish people are dressing up, a library party can't be that nerdy of an idea, can it?

And on a side note: can it still be called a "zine" if it's well-designed, mass-produced, and costs $10? I thought zines were what my punk rock friends in high school made when they stole Sharpies and hijacked the photocopier during art class.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: deal with it

2010-10-04T23:49:00.001-04:00

I'm fighting a cold and bitter that I still have to go into CAP21 tomorrow. Someday I'll post about the actual fun stuff that Andrea and I did this weekend, but right now it's grouchy time only.

me: dang theatre people andrea: ugh. i have no patience left

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: LIBRARY PARTY!

2010-09-28T00:42:00.000-04:00

I've had this amazing idea for a theme party kicking around in my head for a few years now: The Library Party.

First of all, in my ideal world, all parties would be theme parties. And by theme parties I mean themed everything: appropriate music, kitschy food and drinks, and guests must arrive in costume. Almost all parties I went to in college were theme parties, but in retrospect that may have been because we were nerdy theatre kids.

Yes, I know how photogenic I am, please hold your gasps.

But still: what is it about reaching a certain age that makes it uncool to get dressed up and meticulously plan for a theme party? Why does it only have to be OK on Halloween?

That's why my dream theme party is the Library Party. I think it would attract both people like me who are freaks about costume parties and the more wary people who would only like to put on a crazy tie. The idea would be that everyone has to arrive dressed as either a character from a book or a famous author. PLUS, every guest would have to bring a book or two that they don't want and would swap with others at the party. There would of course also be literary-themed drinks and snacks and music. If I got my act together, I would even sent out real snail-mail invites printed on old library cards. Really though, the best part would be the chance for a bunch of pretentious nerds to get drunk and talk books and then dance together - right??

The one thing holding me back is my fear that I don't know enough nerds who would actually get on board and show up. What if Andrea was the only guest?? All we'd do is wear fake beards and eat mango and dance!

andrea: i love mango

if I wasn't so full right now, I would want mango real bad

http://www.outofprintclothing.com/Shop_a/152.htm

me: i went through a big mango phase a few years ago and then kinda forgot about them

oh yeah i've seen those somewhere before, on daily candy or something

i love a good book nerd shirt

andrea: me too!

me: man, one of these days i am really throwing a library party and it's going to KILL

andrea: dude. fall

do it for the start of fall

AAAAAAASAHHHHHH

me: YES

trouble is, i can't find enough nerds who are into it

andrea: are you kidding?

you know tons of THEATRE people

and improv nerds

recruit

RECRUIT

who will I be?!

oh nooooooo!!!!1

me: yeah, maybe i'll start spreading the word during del close marathon next weekend

yeah, that would be my biggest problem - finding the best costume ever

maybe i'll surprise everyone and be fucking MARK TWAIN!

andrea: yeeeeeeessss

this is so hard

i'm staring off into space thinking about it

i should have been thinking about this for years

its like halloween pressure times twenty

me: it's ok, there's time

seeing as it won't happen until i get a big enough nerd posse

Whoops, I never did spread the word during DCM so consider this your official pre-invitation, nerd posse.

At least I haven't dyed my hair black again

2010-09-23T01:26:00.000-04:00

I've been having a strangely emotional week. Maybe it's because I'm on the cusp of turning 27, maybe it's because there's a full moon reaching it's peak in roughly two hours, or maybe it's just that I'm out of beer. Whatever it is, all I seem to want to do lately is moodily wander the streets listening to dramatic music or spread magazines all over my room and make creepy collages while listening to dramatic music. The dramatic music is key.

This is all cathartic and fulfilling (I think?) but it's getting to a point that feels slightly ridiculous. With all the Bjork and Interpol and Radiohead scoring my life, I can't help but imagine over-dramatic images from my week being cut together into a slo-mo scene, Wes Anderson style.

I wish I had the camera/editing skills/motivation to film some kind of hilarious version of this, but alas, I don't. Instead, pour yourself a glass of whiskey with a side of anxiety and imagine me walking in slow motion in the rain and shaking my fists at the sky while you listen to INXS:

Is it a coincidence that this song is first on my oh-boy-it's-fall playlist? (Or that it's also the sorta-slo-mo opening to Donnie Darko?) Maybe I'm in for a dramatic season.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: oh yeah that happened

2010-09-20T23:33:00.000-04:00

Remember when Andrea had two houses? And I had two jobs? And pom poms went on necklaces? And... dancing and cats? Ummm, I don't know what I'm talking about. This happened a long time ago:

andrea: boo

me: boo HOOOO

boo WHO?

boo YOU

andrea: boo me~

i meant!

what are you up to?

if you were here we'd be dancing

me: totally

i'm at work

work #2

andrea: ugh

i'm at home

home #2

me: ha, which one is #2?

andrea: yellow

le sigh

me: ah yes

andrea: i'm making a totally sweet pom pom necklace though

me: hotness

like literally, it will keep you warm

andrea: yes!

yes! done!

it's my fave

its like a fancy cat toy that you wear

me: you should lace it with catnip

andrea: no no no

Mona Lisa Gaga

2010-09-15T00:40:00.000-04:00

This has been on my mind ever since I watched My Cousin Vinny last week. Don't Marisa Tomei's outfits as Mona Lisa Vito look suspiciously like Lady Gaga's? I'm sensing some mutual inspiration:

OK, so Ms. Germanotta is taking it to another level, but the spirit is there, right? If I had bonanza amounts of money and no shame, I would totally blow Mona Lisa Vito outfits out of the water too. I wish I could pull off this one in particular (best photo I could dig up, sadly):

It's a floral one-piece jumpsuit thing! With a big cutout in the back! And she's wearing it with heeled booties! At a CABIN in the WOODS!!! Get on this, Gaga!

Lady Vito makes me really want to bleach one strand of hair by my ear and then backcomb and Rave the crap out of it.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the best of the best

2010-09-14T00:30:00.009-04:00

Yesterday (OK, technically two days ago because I'm posting this late a-GAIN) was Andrea's birthday and because I am a broke lamepants, all I did to commemorate the day was send her a hip ecard. There will be more belated celebration at the end of this month (I think?? I hope???), but I still feel like I didn't give the day enough huzzahs. Hopefully this selection of quality Andrea quotes will make us all (primarily me) feel better.

andrea:

i'm trying to eat healthier, not eat weirder andrea: DAMN YOU

you're making me look bad in front of my internet audience of three!

one of whom is you! andrea:

i want a million dollars

and a nice dinner

and a martini

right now. andrea: oh yeah

i just had a dream that wee were in a bookstore, stuffing our faces, and looking through clearance bins of handmade stuffed animals and binders, and rubber shoe covers for babies

they had baby names printed on the sides

and there was a sale on sheer bra straps to wear as sunglasses andrea: my computer is a stupid jerkdick andrea: seriously, how hard is it to eat when i'm holding the food in front of your face on a spoon?

just open your

mouth

i'm not asking you to lift a truck over your head andrea: i just jimble jambled over to h&m and spent more money

i'm firing myself from life andrea: you IDIOT

if you lived with me, you'd never have that problem

you'd be drinking questionable old wine and laughing your ass off at dvr'd lady stand up andrea: ...

and then I ate a hot pocket.

Morales, out.

HUZZAH!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: carrier pigeons are the new hover boards

2010-09-07T01:16:00.000-04:00

If I had remembered it was Monday, I would have written this hours ago. But instead I slept until 2:45pm, did some irresponsible shopping, and then got drunk on red wine and watched My Cousin Vinny. Have I mentioned I'm pretty much unemployed?

andrea: oh my GAWD, go get me a sandwich

PLEASE

me: ok it's on it's way

but i'm poor so i had to send it via carrier pigeon

so... it might be soggy

or.... eaten by the pigeon

andrea: crappers

Livin' the dream

2010-09-02T13:55:00.000-04:00

It's real. It's my first day of being mostly-unemployed where I have absolutely nothing to do. Actually my first "official" day as a free woman was last Friday and I celebrated by sleeping in and eventually eating a ginormous brunch at around 3pm while watching Working Girl on HBO. Oh, the irony!

But today... it feels strange to have no plans. Well, I do have some plans to go to a dance class and then maybe a UCB show tonight, but the daytime is wide open. I'm realizing "oh yeah, this is that time I said I was going to use to find a new job." Or at least "be productive."

To my credit, I did get up at 9am and took a shower, put on real clothes, and got out of the house. I went to the nearest Starbucks - mainly for free AC and wireless, but also so I could get "focused." (I'm throwing a lot of quotation marks around, I know - imagine them as obnoxious air quotes.)

I came in with the intention of writing... stuff. I was at least going to put together some stuff for the upcoming Moth slams, but I got halfway through a story and stalled. So now I'm the cliche unemployed "artist" sitting in a New York City Starbucks with writer's block. But blogging counts as productivity, right?

At least you can probably expect more blogging from me as I continue to procrastinate adult responsibilities. And more of this:

Good god, someone please give me a writing assignment.

Finally

2010-09-01T18:08:00.000-04:00

Thanks to the tiny bit of news I actually read, I've learned that New York City - and apparently the state as a whole - is finally starting to crack down on reckless drivers who hit pedestrians. This article I just read focuses on a girl who was hit when she was a toddler which led her mother to get all aggressive with some lobbyists:

Two weeks ago, Gov. David A. Paterson signed a bill declaring that drivers who flout traffic laws and seriously injure pedestrians in the process can lose their license for six months or, if it is a repeat offense, one year. It is known as Elle’s Law.

I definitely came away luckier than this girl (although who knows - maybe when she's 26 she'll just have some cool scars and wonky joints too), but this feels like a teensy bit of satisfaction.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: yes - long, but SO worth it

2010-08-31T00:27:00.001-04:00

Confession: a few months ago I joined OkCupid, the free online dating site of broke desperate singles nationwide. I originally signed up as a challenge as part of my Storytelling class at UCB; we were all assigned to do something "out of character" - our true character as a person, not a fake character - but the catch was that the rest of the class picked it for you. Clearly, part of my "character" is my inability to pick up dudes... I guess it's more obvious than I thought. ANYWAY.

I brushed it off at first as an embarrassing, horrifying task, but soon I actually got kind of obsessed with it. There's something very gratifying about being able to brush off or hit on guys without it being in person and having to care about their reaction. It helped that I realized many of my friends use or have used OkCupid or other dating sites and it's really nothing to be all secretive and embarrassed about - in fact, it's often hilarious and makes for more great stories. Thanks, Storytelling 201!

As I seem to have regained confidence in picking up men on my own (thankyouverymuch), I'm kind of neutral about it now. I still check it out when I get emails about matches because I'm curious what other nerds live in my area ("We found a match for you! He likes 'Martin Scorcese'" - puh-lease internet robots, who doesn't??), but mostly, it's all about the hilarious messages. I get a few creepy or odd messages from guys every now and then and I like to have a good laugh before I delete them. Then I got two that put all the rest to shame. Naturally, I immediately consulted Andrea. Please enjoy:

me: ho

shit

andrea: what?

me: this is the best ok cupid message i've gotten of all time

(long, but worth it)

Dear Molly :

Now I am manager of software department in a corporation in Beijing.
I am senior software analyst.

My hometown is Qingdao. It is a big city & seaport at east coast of China.
All my relatives are in Qingdao.

I am lonely in Beijing. So I need a girlfriend very much.

But fortunately, Beijing University gives me great happiness.

Besides my career, my best interest is study in Beijing University.

Beijing University is the best university in China.
She has an honourable fame in whole China.
Because Beijing University is in capital, & near central government,
so its information is more strong.

I am in a good environment of culture & information.

Every month, there are many aristocracies of intellect around me.
Every month, there are many conferences or forums in campus of Beijing University & Tsinghua University.

Many government officials, scholars, enterprisers, businessmen came from all over the world, take part in those meetings.

So I have many chance to meet those aristocracies in many fields.
I feel happy to meet them, because those meeting give me much light of wisdom. They open my mind & eyes.

My interest is wide. I attend many classes in several aspect: literature, history, philosophy, law, business, management, etc.

I love Beijing University very much.

I wish, in the future, I can invite you to visit Beijing University, & take some pictures in its campus.

Hongwu in Beijing

andrea: um...does he WORK for beijing university?

me: oh my gosh, he sent me an earlier one too!

andrea: does he want you to come to china and make out with beijing university while he watches?

me: i guess so???

i think he's a student

holy shit, he's looking for an american wife and i fall in the desired height range

Dear MollyCam , you are so lovely on picture.

Nice to meet you. How do you do ?

I am HongWu Xu in Beijing, China.

I am software engineer.
I study in Beijing University in spare time.
In Beijing University, there are some foreign students & scholars came from America and Europe.

Do you know something about China ?

If you are interested, I will send you some pictures about China & myself at once.
So you can understand something about China at first.
Please give me your email address.

My email address
xuhongwulove@gmail.com
xuhongwulove2@live.cn

On hotmail.com, I have instant messenger.
It's also called MSN. MSN is my basic instant messenger.
On MSN, my user name is
xuhongwulove2@live.cn

On Yahoo Messenger, my user name is
xuhowu@yahoo.com.cn

Are you interested to keep contact with me, and see what will happen
I am sincere and worthy gentleman, with a kind and tender heart.

I seek a wife whose height is between 5'4-~~-5'8 (164cm --~~ 172cm)
I like to live with you in your side.

Hope to hear from you.

Hongwu in Beijing University, China

"i like to live with you IN YOUR SIDE"

andrea: he is a sincere and worthy gentleman

me: he wants to burrow into me like an alien!!

andrea: you should probs call him

me: oh, for sure

chinese sugar daddy

You guys: if any of you email him pretending to be me and get a response I will buy you a drink and then we can scheme on how to get him to wire us money. Deal? And yes, that photo is really him... HOTT.

OK BYE

2010-08-26T14:02:00.000-04:00

Last day of work!!!! I stole a bottle of wine!! Shoulda taken 10!

See ya, suckaaaas!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the future

2010-08-23T16:18:00.000-04:00

As of this moment, I only have a little more than three days left as a full-timer at CAP21. Amazing. People keep asking me where I'm going and what my plans are and I keep giving vague answers like "I'm pursuing a number of options" and "somewhere... that's not... here". Truth is: I have no idea. Also truth: I'm psyched about it.

I mean, I do have plans to find something new, for sure. At this point though, I just want any job that doesn't make me want to hide in bathroom and bang my head against the stall door all day. If that something can also give me a salary and insurance, even better. I'm lucky enough to have some money to float on for awhile if I need to, though, so it wouldn't hurt to use this bit of free time to re-examine what I might want to do with my life. Like finally start that drums-and-tambourine band with Andrea:

me: aw yeah, fashion plates!

my friend sophie had a ton of those and i was so jealous

what were sweet secrets?

andrea: they were these little dolls that folded into like weird compact things

but the best part was all their furniture which folded out of accessories

so like, there was a brush that turned into a car

http://www.crowncombo.com/articles/2006/047_sweet/playsets.jpg

me: whoaaa weird

they have weirdo torsos

andrea: they have jeweled torsos

you should be so lucky

me: they're like girly transformers

also, i'm starting a band called hairdryer patio

andrea: oh my god, totally off topic, my sweet tooth will not quit

i want like, a tube of cinnamon rolls right now

also, hairdryer patio, yes

i'm on drums

me: ok fine

but i get to tambourine

and that's it - drums and tambourine

andrea: god we rule

me: we sure do

oh, and we'll have really high pitched vocals

like, fake opera

andrea: WIN

i'm not touring though

we can do one offs

i say we only tour when we need a vacation

and even then we'll play like one show and relax the rest of the time

we'll send out a bulletin, "just some meet us at the bar and we'll sing all high pitchy for you while you buy us g &t's"

Hairdryer Patio: keepin' it real. Brace yourself for some amazing merch.

(Oh, and by the way: wanting to eat a tube of cinnamon rolls is never off-topic and is in fact relevant to any conversation.)

Belated

2010-08-21T17:53:00.000-04:00

Crap, I did it again. I forgot all about my very important Five Year Blogiversary! It was officially last Saturday, but apparently I was actually out doing stuff and being all social on that day (and since then) that I haven't had time to catch up - go me!

Someday when I am a Big Important Blog, maybe I'll give away prizes and such when I hit seemingly important milestones, but until then, you'll just have to look at this and pretend you ate one too:

That adorable red velvet cupcake looks like it's saying "Happy Fifth Birthday, Cukr Kazdy Den!" right? (Actually, it's saying "Happy Belated Birthday, Co-Worker Kenneth, I said I was going to make you cupcakes like a whole effing month and a half ago so here they are, sorry" but... use your imagination.)

Man, when I turned five, I think my mom made me a cake shaped like a clown and my dad did magic tricks for me and my party guests on our front porch - what happened to those days?

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Is there still enough summer left for fat camp?

2010-08-16T23:57:00.002-04:00

Both my roommates have been gone for about a week and I've been using this home-alone time to be as obnoxious and slobby as possible: walking around without pants, singing bad opera in the shower, and loudly watching bad TV. But mostly, I've been openly eating like CRAP. Not like I think my roommates judge what I eat when they're here, but there's something about being alone in the apartment that makes it okay to eat pickles rolled up in Tofurkey slices over the sink and dip strawberries into leftover cupcake frosting.

The downside of this is that I'm going to need some serious Jillian Michaels treatment by the weekend. Of course, it's so much easier to just laugh at the people on "The Biggest Loser" instead of actually working out:

andrea: there are SO MANY plugs on this show

and they're gratuitous

the trainer comes in and is all "HEY GUYS! how about some Jenni-o 99% fat free ground turkey?!! YAAAAAY!!!!"

me: oh my god, yeah

andrea: or they'll come in and be like "...you know what's awesome?...ziploc bags."

me: and all the gum!

andrea: yes!

me: it's like "you don't need FOOD"

andrea: extra sugar free!

me: chew this entire pack of gum and cry!

andrea: chew it you fatties!

instead of food!

Too bad gum just makes me want more food. Ah well, off to stuff a few more peanut-butter-covered cupcake pieces into my gullet before bedtime! Mmmm.

You're a drop of blood in my glass of milk

2010-08-11T23:52:00.001-04:00

I can't believe I've been posting my meandering thoughts about music for years now and have never mentioned Jens Lekman! What up, brain?? Well, no time like now to rectify this situation. Let it be known, blogosphere: I LOVE JENS LEKMAN WITH A BILLION TINY PINK HEARTS AND YES I'M GOING TO BE THIRTEEN ABOUT THIS.

It was at a Jens Lekman show that I popped my going-to-shows-alone cherry. Now, I'm a pretty introverted person by default: I can go to the theater alone, I can go to movies alone, and sometimes on lazy weekends I realize I have gone eight hours without uttering a single word to anyone (yikes). But I was still terrified to go to a concert alone until I randomly threw caution to the wind and bought a single ticket to a Jens Lekman show at Webster Hall in April of 2008. Best decision ever. Jens playing live is akin to someone reaching out their hand to you and asking if you'd like to go get some ice cream after you've been crying on a stoop.

Which is why, one recent extra-sad night, I decided to email him. I wanted so badly to see him live again, but according to his calendar he was staying far away from New York City. So I sent him a simple plea:

Hello Jens,

When do you think you come back to New York City for a show? We miss you. (I miss you.)

MOLLY

Yes, I forgot an important element of grammar in there and I am ashamed. And yes, I had had a couple beers. BUT I had nearly forgotten all about sending that email until he emailed me back ten days later:

hello new york.
i miss you too. but we have a lot of old shit to settle first.
first of all, why did you turn your back on me when i was going through the worst time of my life ?
why do you have to be so good to the dreamers, but so cold to the ones who have woken up ?
yours sincerely,
jens

OUCH. But still - an email from fucking JENS LEKMAN! I was tempted to send a huge long reply, emptying my heart and telling him how HIS music was saving ME in New York, but I didn't. Well, OK, I did reply (couldn't resist) with a simple "aw shucks, that's sad, thanks for making your music" kind of thing. But I was still bummed that there was very little hope of him coming back to NYC any time soon.

WELL - now there's more of a story to his sad reply. I regularly check in with his blog (which is how I got the idea to email him in the first place) and found this post, along with a link to download his new song, "The End of the World is Bigger Than Love." This is taken directly from the site:

It was the day before the american election 2008 and I was filled with a hopelessness that only a McCain supporter could have shared with me at the time. I was in Washington DC to perform for swedish TV, sitting in the couch with a profesional smile on my face, joking with the hosts and discussing the lobster with the TV chef. I saw the clips online sometime ago, it's amazing what an actor I can be if I really make an effort.

I lived in America back then, up in New York. At the time I felt like everything I touched was turning to shit and I had decided to put everything on one card. Subconsciously I knew I needed to hit the bottom so I could work my way up again. I needed confirmation, I needed someone to tell me it wasn't going to work out, not this way. Yes, there was a girl involved in this. I was very much in love with her.

Some things you just go through. You don't write about it, you don't turn it into art because it can't be turned into art. I didn't write any songs that year because you can't pour manure into an espresso machine and expect a cappucino to come out. When they announced the results and the streets filled up with people celebrating I felt happy to be part of something bigger than myself. It was a feeling that lasted me until the very last days of December 2008 when I finally sat down in my old teenage room at my parents house and I wrote this song. Then the year ended.

It's a song of hope. When love turns it's back on you it's nice to know there's a world out there that doesn't give a shit about your problems. That forces you to keep your head held high and move on. A world that is fragile and beautiful. Maybe it can sound cold to some of you, but let me make it clear that I believe in love, I just get so wrapped up in it sometimes that I need to put it into proportion. It's something you have to do a lot when you're Jens Lekman.

Awww, JENS! I just... I just don't know what to do with that, but if I could cry, it would feel like this. Of course I downloaded the song and of course it's lovely and heartbreaking and full of little NYC references (Flatbush Ave Target!). I highly recommend that you all download it (it's free!). You do have to give your email address and maybe that means you'll end up his mailing list, but geez, then you'll get great emails like this one:

I'm looking for anyone who wants to go out dancing tonight in Dublin.
My band members have all gone to sleep and I'm desperate.
Please.

/ J

CRAP MY PANTS why don't I live in Dublin??

Jens, we didn't turn our back on you for good. Please come back to New York. I'll bring you cupcakes and we can re-enact this video down Houston:

I will be sneaking box wine into this movie

2010-08-10T11:01:00.003-04:00

Apparently if you give Christina Aguilera bangs she becomes an actor and if you straighten Cher's hair to infinity she gets one degree closer to becoming the next Michael Jackson:

Yipes. This movie is going to be so awesomely bad.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: summer > winter

2010-08-09T21:58:00.002-04:00

Dreaface was in town this weekend and we had the most jam-packed-yet-relaxing two days of super funsies ever. Highlights included pizza in a cone, Spa Castle body temperature adjustments, edamame dumplings, neon nails, Japanese groceries, and a Cake Shop dance fest.

Andrea is my best friend, but there are some things we will never agree on. Number one is probably whether or not summer is better than winter (OF COURSE IT IS). Another one is whether or not Bethenny Frankel is crazy or awesome (FREAKSHOW):

me: what are you watching?

andrea: bethenny getting married

me: oh dear

and yet, if i were home now i'd probably be watching it too

her face is terrifying

andrea: i <3 her

i have a lady boner for Bethenny Frankel

me: eeewwww

her jaw is like someone shoved a baking sheet into her face

andrea: very descriptive...

me: i've thought about this a lot

But these arguments never last long. There's too much dancing to do.

Just in case you forgot...

2010-08-09T17:39:00.000-04:00

The Who were hilarious bad ass rockers who didn't give a crap about anything but straight-up blowing your brains out with rock and stylin' outfits and guitar smashing. Put THAT in your history book, high school!

When the scientists finally give us all personal time machines, 1965 will be my first stop.

August freaks me out

2010-08-09T00:13:00.000-04:00

I can feel fall creeping up on me like a cold cold drunken homeless person. I need to remind myself that summer ain't over yet. Here are some highlights of my summer so far:

Yes, that last pic is a highlight. Because I'm tearing that sad, self-made, motivational poster off my wall. Because I quit my job. Because... it's time for something better.

WOW these photos make my life look boring. I promise to get rowdy over the next three weeks.

Happy summer, friends.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: She's (we's) crafty

2010-08-03T00:45:00.000-04:00

Andrea rolls back into town in just 4 days and I'm psyched out of my brains. I think I should run out and buy puff paint just in case arts-and-crafts hour really happens this time. Oh man, to think of all the hand-decorated clothes I rocked 15 or so years ago and then so carelessly gave away with no whim that I could have worn it all again in an acceptable, ironic, fashionable way!

me: i think we should play with puff paint when i visit

let's puff paint an entire sock

andrea: ha!

just one?

me: um.... yah

then you have to wear a completely normal, blank sock with it

andrea: awesome

me: i'm creative like that

i remember when i was like 8 or 9 my friend had her birthday party at a craft store and we puff-painted t-shirts

i think i made a picture of a crazy person

i would kill to have that now

oh!

andrea: that's amazing

me: and i had a pink sweatshirt that i puff painted too!

man

andrea: i just wrote my name over and over with like, rainbows when we did that at my birthday

me: ha

And yeah, I'd TOTALLY wear a shirt covered with Andreas and rainbows too, just in case you were curious.

DCM 12: Let's rock this rodeo

2010-07-30T17:49:00.000-04:00

Today is day one of the Del Close Marathon at UCB and I am PUMPED. It's weird - at this time last year I was even more inside the UCB bubble than I am now. I was interning, taking classes, and seeing shows all the time. Now, with my team on an indefinite hiatus (tears!) and my internship done, I haven't been to any shows in a long long time and I feel totally out of the loop. Still, maybe I'll have a different sort of love and appreciation for everything now that I'm coming at it from the "outside."

I did pass Matt Besser on the street yesterday and my improv nerd radar went off like WHOA. I think I'm ready. Plus I'm working a box office shift that starts tonight and goes into the wee hours of the morning so that should get me back on the wagon pretty fast. Man, I'm sucking at analogies right now.

Whatever. Watch this:

Upright Citizens Brigade

Shut UP!

www.comedycentral.com

Roast of David Hasselhoff

Big Lake

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Don't fuck with the babysitter

2010-07-26T22:25:00.000-04:00

Reason #147 why Andrea is a full-time babysitter and I am not:

andrea: How do you say to a child, "I don't know how to care about your bullshit?"

me: "hey, why don't you go count all the threads in this carpet while i drink some vodka??! nope, do it silently"

I only want to babysit if Thor and Freddy Mercury are involved:

JERRYYYYYY

2010-07-23T11:36:00.000-04:00

YOU GUYS. THINGS ARE TERRIBLE. I do not have an iPod today. I rode the subway in silence and walked down the streets to the sound of city noise and people. I'm dying.

You see, I made a very simple attempt to sync Jerry this morning by plugging him into my laptop - easy peasy. (And yes, my iPod is a man and his name is Jerry. He is named after the rabbi who helped me afford to buy him. Long story. Deal with it.) HOWEVER. Jerry would not sync up. I realized the screen was frozen so I held down the magic buttons to restart it.

And then there was an awful blip, a blip like when you shut off an old TV set and there's a flash and then nothing but one horizontal line across the screen. My iTunes suddenly threw a prompt at me that I needed to download restoration software. OH CRAP.

Essentially, Jerry somehow erased his entire contents and I had to restore the factory settings and reload his entire being. Frightening, sure, but doable. Unless, like me at that moment, you are already late for work and you can't sit and watch all 50-60gb slowly reload. I was torn. If Jerry had hands, I would sit and hold them, but I alas - all I could do was hope it would be OK and run out the door, sans soundtrack.

I don't know how this happened. Is it because the last album I was listening to was Siamese Dream and Jerry got too angsty and tried to kill himself? Or maybe I'm just being taught a lesson, a challenge to live my life without constantly DJing the background music. Luckily I'm at work now where I can listen to endless internet music, but what about when I have to leave? How will I walk to the bank without "Sandcastle Disco?" How will I survive the subway ride home without some Bowie?? I just might not. What if I get home and Jerry's DEAD???

Hold me.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: the cooking show edition

2010-07-19T22:47:00.000-04:00

I just ran into my friend/neighbor/co-worker/partner-in-bad-pun-making Michael at the grocery store. I surprised him by holding a jar of the finest salsa in front of his head until he looked at it. Then we had a conversation that went something like this:

Me: "I need Drano and celery"

Michael: "I need water and beer"

Long pause...

Michael: "This is sad... OK bye!"

And then I went home to eat vegetables and hummus and salsa and Triscuits and beer (I bought more than I intended... damn impulse buys) which I am still consuming while listening to the amazing new Books album. If only Andrea was online to make funnies and coach me through cooking something awesome, maybe I wouldn't be feeling like such a lazy butt right now.

andrea:

so i just went to this bbq and drank a bunch of jam wine

and now i'm soooo sleepy

and its ten

i rule

plus, i can't reach the lamp from my bed here, so i'm just here in the dark talking to you and watching weeds

me: ha!

i'm still listening to old mixtapes

and about to cook a bunch of stuff for the week

like... rice? i guess?

meh

andrea: mix herbs in with it and make green rice!

delicious

cooking for the weekissmart

i'm waaaaay too tired for that

me: it's more motivating when i'm the only one home and can blast music while i do it

andrea: yeah, i think my roommate is cookingfor the week right now actually

roommatesmakeme uncomfortable

iwantadog

and for my space bar to stop acting like an idiot

me: ha!

i just read that as if you were mumbling it really fast

also, you're a genius, i'm totally making cilantro-scallion rice

andrea: boom

doesn't that sound so much more exciting than regular rice?

zesty!

me: totes

andrea: squirt some lime juice in there

ole!

me: oooh i actually have the end of a lime to use up!

andrea: i am a genius

me: also: what a good reason to have a shot of tequila!

andrea: yes!

teamwork!

blue sky solutioneering!

me: haaaa

ooops.... moldy lime :(

andrea: lame!

lame lime

me: HAAAA i was just going to write that!

When theatre nerds and comedy nerds unite...

2010-07-18T19:00:00.000-04:00

Just when I was starting to get all hater on Facebook, my friend Sarah posts this on my page. Ignore the last 15 seconds when they advertise Role Models; get your mind blown in the first 1:35 where David Wain and Paul Rudd sing fucking LES MISERABLES!

All my ladies pop yo backs wit it! (Amiright, ladies? Yes?)

2010-07-14T23:35:00.001-04:00

Do you think Cherish has room for one more fly dancer? I mean, I do have a bellybutton ring that I could attach more bling to. And I do know how to move my... knees. Keep me in mind, ladies...

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: this just in!

2010-07-12T23:44:00.000-04:00

I was totally about to post a real lazy, cop-out Widget and Sassoon about sending Andrea a sandwich via carrier pigeon, but then we had a better conversation right THIS very moment. Eat it up:

andrea: too. much. real. housewives.

me: clueless. on. HBO.

andrea: oh MAN

I WISH

YOU WIN

i'm so jealous

me: it JUST started too, which means i'm never going to bed

poor dead brittany murphy :(

andrea: so mad

oh shit, you just took it there

me: yup

Also, I totally forgot Jeremy Sisto cameos in this as that creepster "snob-and-a-half" Elton! What!

Yup. Watching this all night and then waking up and wearing a headband.

Happy Birthday, Sasspants!

2010-07-07T23:16:00.000-04:00

Ringo Starr is 70 today! Nobody puts Ringo in the corner:

Don't lose your sass, Mr. Starkey. Also, I hope you get a cake shaped like bongo drums.

Study up for a Ringo quiz bowl here.

OK FINE, AMC!

2010-07-05T22:07:00.000-04:00

"Oh puh-lease, Don, don't give me that look - are you telling me you've never vomited in a subway trashcan? Come on, let's go get Peggy drunk..."

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: I also like Heinz baked beans, suckahs

2010-07-05T19:37:00.000-04:00

I think a Marmite and cheese would actually be a lovely addition to this slightly-hungover, lying-on-the-couch-in-my-underwear, watching-Independence-Day-moment that I'm having. Wash that down with your haterade, Dreaface!

andrea: what's a marmite and cheese?

molly: umm.... like the sandwich?

or do you mean what's marmite and what's cheese?

andrea: i think?

molly: because if so, lady, you gotta put down the vaporizer

(can you put down a vaporizer??)

(SO TIRED)

andrea: you can put down mine

me too

marmite and cheese, yes

please define

molly: i feel like i'm operating on a zombie level

andrea: me too, i'm just lying here, too paralyzed by fatigue to walk the two blocks back to my house

because Joe and Pat are sitting on the end of the bed playing video games

until the end of time

but now i need to know what a marmite and cheese is

molly: i'm very tempted to have some coffee, but that might be bad

andrea: because i read it in one of your old posts

and all i can think about is vegemite and cheese

and that sounds gross

no coffee at 11:30

BAD

molly: that's pretty much it

andrea: EW

molly: marmite = brit vegemite

andrea: WHY?

molly: and it's GREAT

andrea: why would anyone EAT that?

no!!!!

molly: behold the power of google: http://www.marmite.com/love/sarnies/

andrea: i thought about goggling it, but then i thought i'd rather ask you

molly: yay! i've trumped google!!

take that, internet!!

andrea: ew, AND butter?

gahhhh

(the marmite page finally loaded)

molly: marmite is SO good on buttered toast

you don't know what you're missing

andrea: hee heee heee

they have a hate version of their page

that is guh-rate

Blah blah, America, blah blah, GERRY BAMMAN!

2010-07-04T15:30:00.000-04:00

Yay, America, it's your birthday, let's drink beers and light things on fire! Sure, I'm happy to have an extra-long weekend of lounging around in minimal clothing and eating grilled things, but I have more important news to share.

Last week I went to the opening of A Winter's Tale (half of this summer's Shakespeare in the Park) at the Delacorte and not only did I get a free tote bag and lots of beers, but GERRY BAMMAN was playing Antigonus! Here he is on the right:

I know, you're thinking "Gerry Whothewhats??" I wouldn't have recognized him just from his name, but the minute I heard him speak I realized it was fucking UNCLE FRANK.

Yes, the man who voiced Home Alone memorables like "If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses" and "It's real! It's real crystal! Put it in your purse" and of course:

I'm sure Gerry is a great guy in real life, but I gotta say, it was kinda fulfilling to see Antigonus get eaten by a bear (even if it was a giant shadow puppet).

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Dear Bjork - please give me a job

2010-06-28T22:27:00.000-04:00

Holy shit you guys: what a fucking MON-DAY. I had a glorious weekend - sleeping, dancing, drinking, cooking, "True Blood"-ing (aaah, why I am so addicted?) - and then it all went downhill starting at roughly 10:01am this morning. Payroll, banking, spreadsheets, photos, and emails got the better of me for a straight 10 hours or so - I didn't even have time to hide in the bathroom and bang my head against the wall. Finally, I stumbled home, so psyched to put on my jammies and chill out with my pals Bravo and Sabra, and discovered my entire fucking wardrobe rack had broken in half and I had clothes all over my room. Thanks a bunch, Monday!!!

I shouldn't be so over-dramatic. I did find temporary extra space for my clothes in our hall closet and I am currently in my jammies eating hummus and watching mindless television despite all this. It just doesn't give me much hope for the rest of this week.

All of this has nothing to do with mine and Drea's Bjork and "Biggest Loser" obsessions, but it does make for a nice contrast.

molly: i'm having such a bjork day

andrea: that sounds colorful and awesome

molly: it's mildly depressing, but still awesome

i wish she was here serenading me in person

andrea: don't we all

molly: "bachelorette" is my jam lately

andrea: that's a really good one

molly: it's so dramatic

andrea: you know what's dramatic? the biggest loser

dear god the TEARS

just put the donut down, lady. it's cool.

molly: oh yeah, that too

oh my god, they should have bjork as a GUEST JUDGE

andrea: HAHAHA

molly: then the world would explode

can you imagine???

it would be like when she was on spaceghost

andrea: oh my god, that was AMAZING

molly: they'd ask her questions and she's answer in nonsense words

yeah, i want to watch that right NOW

andrea: with her odd little accent

molly: "large persons, you have to run with the horses and sunshine and love your pink hearts and no more eating cakes"

"sneakers are shiny and laughter"

andrea: oh my god.

YES

molly: it's like engrish

andrea: only better

Yeah, I do want to watch that right now:

I am also re-reading my high school yearbook...

2010-06-28T00:01:00.000-04:00

In yet another perfect link between my inspired reflections on the media of my youth and Flavorwire, they've discovered what happened to all our favorite '90s grunge bands!

So crazy that I just (ok, like a month ago) posted about that creepy Toadies song I found on my old mixtape and Flavorwire was all "oh hey, the Toadies, what the crap happened to them?" SAME BRAIN, Flavorwire! Why don't you just hire me already, people? (Please??) I'm weeks ahead of you on this re-living-1996 game.

By the way, here's the actual 7th Grade Mix Tape (evidence of the lame beginnings of my obsession with collage):

Precious.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: powhiskey?

2010-06-21T19:32:00.000-04:00

I just wrapped up yet another weekend of living far beyond my means. It was totally worth it, as most extravagant weekends are, but I'm hurting. I could use a po' man's anything right now (but not extra pores, thanks).

andrea: there are no jobs for me

i'm going to resort to killing myself

molly: no no, don't do that!

who will cut my bangs for me?

and offer fashion advice via ichat??

andrea: oh dear

good popint

popint!

molly: is that like the po' man's pint?

"i'll have a popint of bud"

andrea: yes!

that's what I need...

molly: me too

but not bud

andrea: more like a poredstripe

molly: HAAA

sounds like "with pores"

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: an ode to burritos

2010-06-14T23:31:00.000-04:00

Tonight I ate Mexican food without Andrea. It just wasn't the same. I couldn't choose only one conversation to drive this point home, so here are five samplins':

molly: i think we share some brains

BRAINS

BRAAAIIINNZZZZZ

god i need to get out of work

andrea: i need a burrito andrea: I didn't get a picture of the three legged pug :(

molly: boooh

andrea: but, I did just eat the greatest burrito of my young life

molly: http://www.thanksants.com/

yes!!

andrea: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

molly: "thanks molly.... tholly"

andrea: thanks burrito...

thurrito

andrea: you're nuts

i want a burrito andrea: no, thank god, because I'm lying on the carpet watching tv on the internet and trying not to run out to get the burrito

ha ha "the" burrito

molly: oh i know

THE burrito

THAT burrito

andrea: THE BURRITO

THE ONLY BURRITO

every burrito...

andrea: oh yeah!

i knew i knew her from somewhere

i want a burrito

always

I just decided "burrito" is one of those words that look ridiculous after cutting-and-pasting it multiple times. Also, I think I just set myself up for a peanut-butter-obsessed-Molly post.

TGI (almost) F!

2010-06-10T19:35:00.000-04:00

In a perfect belated follow-up to my "Boy Meets World" post of yore, the perpetual work distraction Flavorwire has done all the hard work of figuring out what happened to all of our favorite TGIF stars (why don't I have this job??). Check it out.

FYI: I totally used to have one of those denim flower "Sister, Sister" hats. I got it for my tenth birthday and often rocked it with a silky paisley vest over a white t-shirt and more denim. YEAH 1993.

More bloggins!

2010-06-09T18:19:00.000-04:00

Surprise! Another blog! Andrea and I are co-producing a new photo project called This Is How We Live.

We were fed up with all of the "lifestyle" blogs out there that show young people living highly designed and distressingly coordinated lives. I mean, sure: there are a lucky bunch of twenty-somethings out there who are making a good living and have a knack for furnishing themselves and their homes stylishly. But what about the rest of us barely scratching out a living? We want to peek into their lives.

The blog is in the infant stages of design so don't judge us too harshly, but we'd love to hear your thoughts on the content. And we probably want to photograph your bathroom. Check it out.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: MC Drea in da howwwse

2010-06-07T23:38:00.000-04:00

Did I mention that Andrea is my personal rapper detective? She is. Just drop a beat and drop a dime, ya'll (did I just date myself with that reference?).

andrea: i luuuurve that the dooce just twatted that she saw john krasinski and her legs went all wobbly

molly: hahaaa

what is she in LA for?

i didn't figure it out

so you need to

andrea: HGTV stuff?

that's my detective work

solvin crimes, doin times

makin rhymes

molly: ah

makes sense

andrea: juicin limes

molly: you're a rapper detective!

and smoothie maker!

oh man, that's a tv show waiting to happen

and you're composing the theme song

right.

now.

andrea: except that i'm out of rhymes

dammit

That was only momentary, I'm sure. She serves up those crazy rhymes all the time every day. Unfortunately she has some competition from the scatting jazzman tennis ball:

JAZZZZZ!

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: CRAP I almost forgot

2010-06-01T00:17:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I suck at this lately. I don't know why we ever decided Mondays were perfect for this. Or why I'm still doing it when Andrea quit long ago. Anyway:

andrea: whatever happened to that schwartzman/galafinakis detective show?

molly: i know the first season ended, but i haven't heard anything about a new season

i hope it's coming back

andrea: i only saw one episode

i rule

i do not rule, at job hunting however

or being productive

i do rule at reading blogs

and drinking dranks

and rambling

evidently

molly: DRANKS

it's the spirit of friday

andrea: hee hee!

drinking sounds so much better of you growl the word "dranks" semi loudly when referring to it

like, "yeah, I'm drinkin some DRANKS at 3 in the afternoon...WHAT OF IT?"

molly: HAHAAA!

that's it, that's the only way i'm ever referring to drinking

even if it's a fancy wine tasting

"why yes, this DRANK does have hints of cinnamon"

andrea: that's right, you GET ON the drank train

its fun on here

every car is the bar car

molly: oh, dreams

PS: Drea Drea and I drank a lot of dranks this weekend. We also learned that we both need flasks in order to always have dranks on hand in case we are ever again stuck at the lamest wedding ever. More whining to come... plus photos? Let's see how motivated I get.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: wind + booze + emoticons = love

2010-05-24T15:40:00.000-04:00

I guess this makes more sense when you see it in a gchat window where the symbols transform into actual funny things, but use your imagination. Here's a key:

:D = insane laughter
~@~ = pile of poop
V.v.V = scuttling crab
and of course, <3 = heart, DUH

Pepper those into your next heart-to-heart gchat convo (or shall I say, <3 2 <3?).

andrea:

THE WIND JUST SHOOK MY HOUSE

the

wind

just

shook

house

WTF?!

where am I living, a goddamn shanty town?!!!!!!

molly: oh dear

tape those windows down

:D ~@~

laugin' out poop

*laughin

LAUGHING

goddam, i killed it, not funny anymore

~@~ ~@~ ~@~ ~@~ ~@~ ~@~

that's better

andrea: shut up

its totally funny

~@~

andrea: seriously, I feel unsafe here

the top floor is just gonna straight up blow off

molly: eek

just don't get too close to the windows

andrea: DEATH

you can have my records, and my record player

and my booze

if I don't drink it from the beer

huh?

if i don't drink it from the fear. FEAR

molly: oh god, don't be talkin' wills!

(but of course i'm taking your records and record player)

andrea: craaaaaaap

i'm about to get sucked to wonderland, or whatever

not wonderland...where did dorothy go?

molly: oh my god woman, how much booze have you had?

andrea: not a lot

i think its the chocolate and the fear

the feeeeeaaar

i drank a big beer

and i'm about to bust into some cava

molly: that's gonna be an amazing burp

andrea: because i'm not going out into that goddamn rain until my boyfriend has music out of his system and is ready to snuggle

(this conversation is going to wind up on the internet isn't it?)

"The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: Sassoon loses her damn mind."

molly: no I'M sassoon! YOU'RE widget!

andrea: you're widget

molly: waaaaaaah :'(

andrea: don't make me sic that crab on you

V.v.V

molly: this is totally ending up on the internet

andrea: V.v.V V.v.V V.v.V V.v.V

crab army

molly: <3 ~@~ <3 ~@~

i see your crab army and raise you love poop

andrea: you bitch

Oh, and you called it Drea - here it is, totally ending up on the internet. ShaBAM. And I'M SASSOON, weirdo.

The all the all of you

2010-05-23T22:57:00.001-04:00

I went home to NH a couple weeks ago and impulsively grabbed a few things to bring back to NYC with me. Specifically, old journals and mix tapes. I suppose this was partially fueled by the new storytelling / personal writing kick I've been on lately - I'm constantly trying to dig into my past for a good story - but it was also for purely nostalgic reasons, especially with the tapes. Allison left me her ghetto-blaster boombox before she went to London so I knew I could finally revisit the gems that I taped off the radio somewhere around 1995-1997.

I've been listening to these since then and oh. my. god. Not only are they so full of adolescent angst (these covered ages 12-14), but parts of them are still pretty fucking awesome, if I do say so myself. The fact that I taped the majority off the radio lends them an extra-special charm.

Side B of what I like to call "The 7th Grade tape" has a particularly stellar buildup of tracks, which I would like to recreate for you here, in video form. You may want to put on a flannel and/or some Delias jewelry:

No Doubt - Just A Girl

Bush - Glycerine (holy crap, by putting those two songs next to one another it's like my 12-year-old mind was predicting the future marriage of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale! Whoaaaa.)

Toadies - Possum Kingdom (I forgot how creepy and messed up this song and video are)

Green Day - Brain Stew

and the best one ever.....
Spacehog - In The Meantime

I say "best one ever" because it was and always will be the best song on that mix. It was my most favorite song for probably all of junior high and I played that section of the tape so much that I'm surprised it still works. It's hilarious to me now that I loved this song so intensely even though the lyrics make absolutely no sense and I couldn't understand half of them anyway. Early evidence of how I still always favor composition over lyrics, I guess.

As a bonus, I had an epic night of reading through my old journals yesterday and found this as further evidence:

The best song in the world is "In The Meantime" by Spacehog. I think it has most influenced me to have a band. I think about our band* and remember seeing them on Jay Leno at Cecelia's house whenever I hear it.

*What I meant by "our band" is the "band" that consisted of me and two of my best friends at the time, Cecelia and Sarah. Collectively we knew about five chords on the acoustic guitar and I would attempt to "drum" with pencils on textbooks. We spent most of our time thinking up cool band names (contenders being Hybrid Monkeys and Electric Toastmen... um... we weren't men). I wish I could find a clip of that Leno performance somewhere online... I wonder if it would still shatter my world.

It's funny how not much has changed, though. Well, Cecelia is married and has a baby and I'm pretty sure Sarah is a budding lawyer, but I'm still soundtracking my life with dramatic music and air drumming.

And I still I love the all the all of you.

HAPPY SATURDAY

2010-05-22T01:34:00.000-04:00

Live from New York, it's... Wednesday!

2010-05-20T00:06:00.000-04:00

It is so weird to not be at UCB right now. My internship ended last Wednesday and now I don't know what to do with myself. I've been an intern since last JULY, you guys! I was lucky to be stationed at the Training Center through December, but still got to put in a solid five months of yelling at crowds and picking up beer bottles at the theater. But I'm a little sad that I'm not holding the Bucket of Truth and watching the last bits of School Night right now. :( :( :(

But who are we kidding - I AM super glad that I'm sitting here eating pudding and wearing my velour pants right now and not about to drag a wine-soaked trash bag through the wet Gristede's basement.

I feel like I should say something more profound, but I'll just leave you with this:

Ahhh, if only he really was.

The Weekly Widget and Sassoon: rambling associations

2010-05-18T00:35:00.000-04:00

I just got home from a pretty rough set at the Creek. Well, to be fair, I had two sets: the first was group improvised storytelling and awesome, the second was group improvised... improv... and... well, we've had better days. I love my fellow Goats, but the only word I could use to describe our set with was "yoinks." Like: goofy, but weird, but... ouch. You get me? It's OK though - I'm confident we can turn it around because we all love karaoke and we have high-five parties like no one's business.

So on the train home I was remembering that I had to do Weekly Widget and Sassoon and immediately made big plans: get in the door, change into the really-old-but-comfy sweatshorts, reheat an amalgam mixture of leftovers, and talk about this:

That's right, a bag. But not just any bag - the bag of all bags. I think our bud Rebecca originally bought this 10 or so years ago from the Gap and it got passed around amongst the three of us like a cheap bottle of champange (quickly and frequently). I specifically remember Andrea giving it to me en route to the bathroom at VPB many a time so I could steal toilet paper for her. And then it got passed down to me. (Or... I stole it and never gave it back... something like that.)

This bag was not only amazing for it's history, but it's valuable features:
1) Size - huge enough to fit not just my laptop, but also a book and a magazine and a sandwich and a change of shoes and maybe some seltzer too.
2) Zipper top - especially important when you got stuck in the rain.
3) KEY HOLDER! It had this little tab that you snapped your keys into so you didn't have to fish around for them when you were drunkenly trying to get into your apartment at 3am and had to pee so bad that every second was crucial!

Well friends - I had to lay that poor bag to rest. After years of dedication, one of the straps finally busted beyond repair and I had to throw it out. But not before documenting it, of course. Oh Gap bag, we hardly knew ye.

So then I remembered, oh hey, you know what this series is actually about? Inane chatter that Drea and I do on the internets. And I dug up this gem:

andrea:

brb, shower

molly: yeah, stinkface

andrea: shut it

i'm mclean

CLEAN

molly: McClean?

Lady McCleanface?

a mcdonald's sandwich made of soap?

andrea: yeah that's right

molly: ick

andrea: no, i'm delicious

like roses

DELICIOUS ROSES

And then I thought of this:

And now I'm full of pasta and vegetables and chocolate chips and I'm exhausted. Goodnight! You've been a great crowd.